{"id":22713,"date":"2022-05-24T13:22:29","date_gmt":"2022-05-24T17:22:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/?p=22713"},"modified":"2022-05-24T13:25:41","modified_gmt":"2022-05-24T17:25:41","slug":"babylon-bee-think-you-have-monkeypox-watch-for-these-ten-strange-symptoms%ef%bf%bc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/2022\/05\/24\/babylon-bee-think-you-have-monkeypox-watch-for-these-ten-strange-symptoms%ef%bf%bc\/","title":{"rendered":"Babylon Bee: Think You Have Monkeypox? Watch For These Ten Strange Symptoms"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Satire<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Monkeypox is here! EVERYONE PANIC! You thought COVID wasn’t a big deal? Well, get ready to spend every waking moment of your life in constant terror for fear that the next person you run into might have a rare disease with a low transmission rate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Think you might have it? Diagnose yourself by consulting these symptoms:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) A mild headache: Run for your life! YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) You’ve been to England in the last six months: You might also be British, which is another problem altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Italian plumbers make you FURIOUS: Throwing all those barrels is making you super buff, though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) You pick a bug out of your wife’s hair and eat it: Helpful but gross. Don’t do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) You become confused and angry every time you see a monolith: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6) All of your pants are at the tailor to have a hole added for your tail: If you haven’t figured it out by now\u2014you’re a monkey. Sad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7) You just got back from a tour of Dr. Fauci’s Wuhan Monkeypox Lab: Duct tape is not a valid tool for air sealing a room against viral infection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8) A tiny monkey bursts out of your chest: If you had the vaccine, the monkey would have exploded out of your body but in a slightly more mild way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9) You insist that selectively bred bananas are evidence of creation: An atheist’s nightmare! Mic drop! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

10) Zero symptoms: Better quarantine just to be safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, it doesn’t matter what your symptoms are, if you die, you’ll be recorded as a monkeypox statistic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Satire Monkeypox is here! EVERYONE PANIC! You thought COVID wasn’t a big deal? Well, get ready to spend every waking moment of your life in constant terror for fear that the… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22714,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"wpai_generated_summary":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","default_image_id":71799,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[2621],"tags":[2891],"class_list":["post-22713","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-monkeypox"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22713","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22713"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22713\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22714"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22713"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22713"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22713"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}