{"id":23867,"date":"2022-07-23T13:05:47","date_gmt":"2022-07-23T17:05:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/?p=23867"},"modified":"2022-07-23T13:05:52","modified_gmt":"2022-07-23T17:05:52","slug":"desantis-outlaws-man-buns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/2022\/07\/23\/desantis-outlaws-man-buns\/","title":{"rendered":"DeSantis Outlaws Man Buns"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Satire by Babylon Bee<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Due to the influx of new residents from Liberal states, DeSantis has signed an order outlawing man-buns before they can infect the proud and masculine culture of Florida.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"580\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/62d85274a086f62d85274a0870-1024x580.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-23868\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/62d85274a086f62d85274a0870-1024x580.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/62d85274a086f62d85274a0870-300x170.jpg 300w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/62d85274a086f62d85274a0870-768x435.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/62d85274a086f62d85274a0870.jpg 1392w\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The legal consequences of having a man-bun will include forfeiting the right to vote and having the bun cut off in a public demonstration of justice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;Just as we will not have our school textbooks replaced with Marxist propaganda, we will not have our mullets replaced with hippie-dippie man buns,&#8221; said DeSantis to the press. &#8220;The legacy of Florida as free, fair, and man-bun free will live on!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Brett Rodrick, an ex-California resident who now lives in Florida and has sported a man bun since his youth, said &#8220;I can&#8217;t believe this. What did my man-bun ever do to him, dude? It&#8217;s just, like, totally unfair that we can&#8217;t rock a bun, you know? DeSantis is such a fascist!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Rodrick then tied his long hair up in a messy bun and was immediately dragged away and brought to the town square for a public bun removal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At publishing time, Rodrick confirmed he plans to remain in Florida because he likes the low taxes and having a job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Satire by Babylon Bee Due to the influx of new residents from Liberal states, DeSantis has signed an order outlawing man-buns before they can infect the proud and masculine culture&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":23868,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"wpai_generated_summary":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","default_image_id":71799,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[2621],"tags":[3147],"class_list":["post-23867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-desantis-outlaws-man-buns"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23867","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23867"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23867\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/23868"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23867"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23867"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23867"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}