{"id":26328,"date":"2022-10-19T13:05:00","date_gmt":"2022-10-19T17:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/?p=26328"},"modified":"2022-10-19T13:05:52","modified_gmt":"2022-10-19T17:05:52","slug":"gisele-spotted-in-seedy-alleyway-slipping-bucs-offensive-line-a-wad-of-cash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/2022\/10\/19\/gisele-spotted-in-seedy-alleyway-slipping-bucs-offensive-line-a-wad-of-cash\/","title":{"rendered":"Gisele Spotted In Seedy Alleyway Slipping Bucs Offensive Line A Wad Of Cash"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Written by BabylonBee.com<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SATIRE<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Quarterback Tom Brady is growing increasingly frustrated with his offensive line after they once again failed to protect him in a brutal loss to the Steelers. Frustration changed to suspicion, however, after Brady&#8217;s ex-wife Gisele was seen in a seedy alleyway slipping Bucs offensive line players wads of cash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"580\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/634dc0a924267634dc0a924268-1024x580.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-26329\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/634dc0a924267634dc0a924268-1024x580.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/634dc0a924267634dc0a924268-300x170.jpg 300w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/634dc0a924267634dc0a924268-768x435.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/634dc0a924267634dc0a924268.jpg 1392w\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;This definitely isn&#8217;t what it looks like,&#8221; said Gisele when questioned by reporters. &#8220;I&#8217;m just offering this wonderful offensive line some extra compensation so they&#8217;ll do a great job protecting Tom! Yeah, that&#8217;s totally what this is!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Conspiracy theorists have already been floating the theory that Brady&#8217;s ex-wife is paying off players after several instances of offensive linemen standing up and making a wide hole so Brady could be sacked by at least 5 opposing players. Some witnesses say they saw linemen even extending their feet to trip Brady as he tries to escape the collapsing pocket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Players and coaches insist there is no merit to these theories. &#8220;We just really suck at playing football. That&#8217;s all there is to it,&#8221; said one Bucs player while casually shoving a wad of twenties in his jock strap. &#8220;Hopefully we&#8217;ll get better someday, I dunno.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At publishing time, sources close to Gisele say she doubled her reward for anyone who can orchestrate any injury that might force Brady to retire as he promised.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written by BabylonBee.com SATIRE Quarterback Tom Brady is growing increasingly frustrated with his offensive line after they once again failed to protect him in a brutal loss to the Steelers.&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":26329,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"wpai_generated_summary":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","default_image_id":71799,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[2621],"tags":[3706],"class_list":["post-26328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-gisele-spotted-in-seedy-alleyway-slipping-bucs-offensive-line-a-wad-of-cash"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26328"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26328\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}