{"id":29806,"date":"2023-02-06T11:30:39","date_gmt":"2023-02-06T16:30:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/?p=29806"},"modified":"2023-02-06T11:30:45","modified_gmt":"2023-02-06T16:30:45","slug":"tom-brady-signs-with-sunnyshade-retirement-home-shuffleboard-team","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/2023\/02\/06\/tom-brady-signs-with-sunnyshade-retirement-home-shuffleboard-team\/","title":{"rendered":"Tom Brady Signs with Sunnyshade Retirement Home Shuffleboard Team"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Written by BabylonBee SATIRE<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"580\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/63dea41f6740f63dea41f67410-1024x580.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-29807\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/63dea41f6740f63dea41f67410-1024x580.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/63dea41f6740f63dea41f67410-300x170.jpg 300w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/63dea41f6740f63dea41f67410-768x435.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/63dea41f6740f63dea41f67410.jpg 1392w\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tom Brady announced today he has officially signed a three-year contract with the Sunnyshade Retirement Home Shuffleboard Team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8220;My competitive fire is still burning strong,&#8221; said Brady, donning his team polo. &#8220;I look forward to joining my teammates, and working hard to bring a championship trophy to the retirement home where it belongs.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Competing in the South Florida Sunshine League, the once-dominant Sunnyshade shuffleboard team has seen its share of struggles over the past few years. &#8220;Sunnyshade has an incredible history,&#8221; said Mr. Brady at a press conference. &#8220;I know the results these past couple of years have not been what the retirement home residents have come to expect. I believe with our shared commitment to excellence, we can turn that around, and restore the shuffleboard program to its former glory.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mr. Brady has brought his remarkable work ethic and patented TB12 pliability program to Sunnyshade, and the results have been immediate. &#8220;Ethel hasn&#8217;t been able to stand up straight in years!&#8221; said team captain Marvin Wiggins. &#8220;This young &#8216;Tom&#8217; fella is really working wonders, I tell ya. He&#8217;s got a little work to do on his aim, but I think he&#8217;s going to work out great.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">At publishing time, Sunnyshade had come under investigation over reports of disc weights being altered between matches.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Written by BabylonBee SATIRE Tom Brady announced today he has officially signed a three-year contract with the Sunnyshade Retirement Home Shuffleboard Team. &#8220;My competitive fire is still burning strong,&#8221; said&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":29807,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"wpai_generated_summary":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","default_image_id":71799,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[2621],"tags":[4466],"class_list":["post-29806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-tom-brady-signs-with-sunnyshade-retirement-home-shuffleboard-team"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29806","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29806"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29806\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/29807"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29806"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29806"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29806"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}