{"id":33536,"date":"2023-07-11T13:15:28","date_gmt":"2023-07-11T17:15:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/?p=33536"},"modified":"2023-07-11T13:15:36","modified_gmt":"2023-07-11T17:15:36","slug":"police-investigating-corpse-that-washed-up-on-delaware-beach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/2023\/07\/11\/police-investigating-corpse-that-washed-up-on-delaware-beach\/","title":{"rendered":"Police Investigating Corpse That Washed Up On Delaware Beach"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By BabylonBee.com<\/p>\n\n\n\n

SATIRE<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What began as a beautiful summer weekend in the popular Rehoboth Beach community collapsed into confusion and terror as the local police department was called to investigate a corpse that apparently washed up on the beach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Multiple eyewitnesses reported a horrifying sight,” said Sgt. Jon Munyan in a briefing to the press. “We were notified of what appeared to be a severely decomposed human male lying on the beach in broad daylight. We are currently investigating the reports and will provide more details when they become available.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stunned onlookers described the scene. “We were just enjoying a beautiful day at the beach,” said Rehoboth resident Ryan Ehart. “My daughter started screaming, and I looked up and saw what clearly looked like a dead man reclining in a beach chair. He was white as a sheet and showed no signs of life. In fact, he appeared to have been dead for a very long time. Stringy hair\u2026 hollowed-out features. Really nasty.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parents attempted to cover the eyes of young children and lead them away from the gruesome sight. “Someone said a doctor was seen near the body, but that turned out to be an old lady named Jill who is apparently only a pretend doctor,” Sgt. Munyan continued. “Anyone with information about this incident or why the Secret Service was guarding this corpse, please contact us.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At publishing time, wild rumors had begun to swirl that the corpse later stood up and stumbled off in the direction of an ice cream stand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By BabylonBee.com SATIRE What began as a beautiful summer weekend in the popular Rehoboth Beach community collapsed into confusion and terror as the local police department was called to investigate… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":33537,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_robots_follow":"","_seopress_robots_imageindex":"","_seopress_robots_snippet":"","_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"0","_seopress_robots_breadcrumbs":"","_seopress_robots_freeze_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_custom_modified_date":"","_seopress_robots_canonical":"","_seopress_social_fb_title":"","_seopress_social_fb_desc":"","_seopress_social_fb_img":"","_seopress_social_fb_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_fb_img_height":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_title":"","_seopress_social_twitter_desc":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img":"","_seopress_social_twitter_img_attachment_id":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_width":0,"_seopress_social_twitter_img_height":0,"_seopress_redirections_value":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled":"","_seopress_redirections_enabled_regex":"","_seopress_redirections_logged_status":"","_seopress_redirections_param":"","_seopress_redirections_type":0,"_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"wpai_generated_summary":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"dois","default_image_id":71799,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[2621],"tags":[5411],"class_list":["post-33536","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-police-investigating-corpse-that-washed-up-on-delaware-beach"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33536","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33536"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33536\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33537"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33536"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33536"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lakelandgazette.info\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33536"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}