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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nFollowing a change in the Senate’s informal dress code, aging senators were excited to show up to work Monday in their hospital gowns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“This is awkward,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnel said when he noticed dozens of senators wearing the same exact thing. “One of us has got to change.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Officially, loosening the Senate’s informal dress code was motivated by a need to accommodate Sen John Fetterman’s famous hoodie and sweatpants. However, sources confirm Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer had an ulterior motive \u2014 he prefers the comfort and convenience of a hospital gown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I wear the gown under my normal clothes so I can change into them quickly. Like a superhero,” Schumer said. “But now I can drop the facade and just be me. It’s loose-fitting so you can have easy access to my backside to administer vaccines, suppositories, and other medications. It’s great!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bernie Sanders confirmed that the new dress code allows him to live a truth he previously hid from the world. “The gown is open in the back. It’s very breezy, which I like,” he said. “Ooooo, I feel it now.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sen Lindsey Graham, however, bucked the hospital gown trend by dressing in drag. “It’s time for Lindsey Graham 3.0!” he said. “Fabuloooouuuus!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At publishing time, the policy had been quickly reversed after Rand Paul showed up in his buffalo hat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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