Satire by Swan City News
Our days of freely circumnavigating Lake Hollingsworth may be numbered. Citing an obscure and long-forgotten ordinance associated with the 1921 purchase of the 67-acre lakefront property, Florida Southern is invoking their rights to eminent domain over the portion of Lake Hollingsworth Drive between Johnson Avenue and S. Ingraham Avenue. Director of Development Heath Farris produced an unauthenticated document at a recent City Commission meeting that purports to support their claim.
Allowing ample time for the initial shock to wear off, Farris continued, “We have been holding off on playing this card for many years. But after successfully testing our power and influence over the community with the McDonald Street renaming campaign, we are confident that we will prevail here as well. This also coincides with the financial challenges we have faced with the pandemic. To that end, we are prepared to keep the road open to the public for a nominal annual fee of $10 million.”
When the validity of the document was called into question, Dr. Brian Augustus, Associate Professor of Political Science, essentially dared the commission to challenge the ordinance. “We respect your right to do your due diligence in this matter, but any actions taken against our rights here would be ill-advised.” Joel Ferdinand, Lake Hollingsworth resident, and frequent commission meeting gadfly added to the unruly tenor of the meeting by yelling out “First the band shell and NOW THIS?!?!”.
City Commissioners hastily voted to add “Investigate SunPass options around Lake Hollingsworth” to the agenda of their next working session and then promptly adjourned the meeting.
Of Course….money talks and the money goes to the city and the city is run by RINO Mayor Mutz….there you have it! Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out! Also, Mutz is on the board at Florida Southern. FOLLOW THE MONEY!
Great article.?