Written by BILLY TOWNSEND
It’s hard to even know where to start with PantyGhaziGate.
So let me just open with this fact: America’s fakest tough guy sheriff, Polk County’s Grady Judd, got provoked last week into a multi-day felony womanhunt for an anti-forced birth activist accused of tossing a balled-up item of women’s underwear near one of his deputies, Capt. Billy Strickland, who was a “guest” at a forced-birth event.
Judd’s office claims the activist, named Bonnie Patterson-James, committed felony battery on a law enforcement officer because Strickland claims the rounded panty projectile touched him on the leg. Meanwhile, Lakeland Police officers, who were actually hired to provide security, sanely and rationally looked on without criminal concern. (Yeah, read that all again. You have to work through it.)
Moreover, when one peers through the fog of lingerie, it appears that Strickland claims the weaponized panties bounced into him. See this video for immediate aftermath of the panty mortar’s detonation.
I’ve been married a long time. I have some experience with women’s underwear. (I know, TMI; but so is this whole stupid story) I have yet to encounter any panties, in my entire life, made of bouncy rubber or similar material. So I have some physics questions concerning the bounce I’d like to see adjudicated, should this felony arrest ever come to trial.
And strangely, despite all this intense law enforcement activity, tough guy showboat Sheriff Judd has yet to hold any big press conferences about it. He hasn’t warned all of you women with your weaponized panties that burly Polk County men “like their guns” and he’s “highly recommending they blow you back out” of your underwear if you toss thongs at them.
So, just what is that this rag news has against Grady Judd? Is it that he’s a ‘great’ sheriff and keeps the peace in Polk County? Come on, just be honest and tell us happy readers.