Wrtten by Swan City News – Satire
Daphne Bell enjoys spending quiet mornings sitting on the dock behind her home admiring the unobstructed view of the McIntosh power plant. Last October, that tranquility was shattered by the sound of shotguns and the death-rattle of mortally wounded ducks.
“Those licensed hunters were blatantly exercising their legal rights to hunt on a publicly accessible lake,” she bemoaned. “And, on top of that, they were being completely safe with regard to where they were shooting”, a frustrated Bell explained at a recent City Commission meeting. Her seemingly contradictory tirade continued: “I mean, I’m not one to ever want to trample on the second amendment and gun rights and whatnot, but, please Mayor, you gotta do something to help me and my neighbors.”
When prompted to respond to Bell’s comments, John Carrol, who was among the hunters on the lake that morning, said, “It seems like Ms. Bell has made our case for us. We’re licensed to hunt. We aren’t breaking any laws. We’re hunting within the approved duck hunting season. And other than the ducks, we aren’t endangering any residents.”
Always one to seek out mutually beneficial compromises, the Mayor was only met with rejections from Bell, Carrol, and the other Commissioners when he proposed draining Lake Parker during duck hunting season to encourage the ducks to congregate elsewhere. A second idea, proposed by the hunting contingent in attendance at the meeting, received overwhelming approval from all parties involved. After a brief review by the City Attorney, the Mayor announced, “We will ban ducks from Lake Parker during duck hunting season. Any trespassing duck violating this order may be shot on sight by a licensed hunter.”