Oh, Florida, the land of perpetual sunshine and endless amusement. Just when you thought you’d heard it all, here comes the latest: a potential ban on multi-colored Christmas lights. Yes, you read that right. With the absurdity of Florida’s politics and far-right-wing conservatism, there’s a chance our lawmakers may have just stumbled upon the most pressing issue of our time.
Now, you might be wondering, what’s the rationale behind this groundbreaking proposal? Well, it seems that some conservative religious Floridians are terrified that multi-colored Christmas lights might offend the delicate sensibilities of… well, we’re not entirely sure who (hmmm…rainbow colors, rainbow flag – you get the gist). But in the spirit of celebrating this forward-thinking approach, we’ve brainstormed a few other items that could be banned in the Sunshine State, all in the name of protecting conservative, religious discriminatory beliefs.
Here are our favorites that may soon make the docket:
1. Rainbow-colored Skittles: After all, those rainbow candies could be seen as promoting LGBTQ+ inclusivity, and we can’t have that, can we?
2. Crossword Puzzles: Who knew that these innocent word games could be seen as promoting African American justice by featuring words like “black” or “lives” or “matter”? Ban them, just to be safe.
3. Traffic Lights: With their red, yellow, and green colors, they might inadvertently suggest that all lights are equal and should peacefully coexist.
4. Daylight Savings Time: Some might argue that this practice discriminates against nocturnal animals, so let’s just ban changing the clocks altogether.
5. Ice Cream Cones: The pointed shape of ice cream cones could be viewed as a dunce cap, promoting school bullying and school choice, and that’s just too controversial for the ice cream industry.
6. Sunsets: With their mesmerizing mix of colors in the evening sky, they could be seen as offensive to those who prefer monochrome sunsets.
7. Rainbows (the meteorological kind): Not only do they celebrate diversity of colors, but they also might inadvertently support the LGBTQ+ community. Let’s put an end to that natural phenomenon right away.
I know this may sound absurd, but in the land of palm trees and flip-flops, where anything seems possible, who’s to say what might be next on the legislative chopping block? Stay tuned, Florida, for the next thrilling episode of “What Will They Ban Next?”