By PCSO
It’s January, so Polk Countians expect cooler weather, but freezing and near-freezing weather is too much.
Snow Miser is wanted by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office for turning the city of Winter Haven into a non-Haven of Winter.
Snow Miser should be considered armed and dangerously cold. He may be armed with snow balls and sharp icicles.
His prior criminal history against the public includes: causing shivers, goosebumpery, giving the cold shoulder, incessantly singing Vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice, Baby,” impersonating former Secretary of State John Kerry, killing countless plants across the Sunshine State, and busting water pipes.
If you see Snow Miser, go indoors immediately…or at least swap out your shorts and flip-flops for jeans and sneakers.