Well folks, Florida has done it again. Just when you think the Sunshine State couldn’t get any sunnier, it goes and rolls out a brand new execution menu. That’s right — death row in Florida will now be served with a side of “dealer’s choice.” Because nothing screams “21st-century progress” like debating whether to use electricity, poison, bullets, or party gas to shuffle someone off this mortal coil.
Previously, inmates got a little say in the matter — electrocution or lethal injection. You know, a classic Coke or Pepsi choice. But now, thanks to House Bill 903 — which also throws in a grab bag of prison-related goodies like location tracking and lawsuits with expiration dates — we’ve upgraded to a full-on Death Penalty Sampler Platter. Bon appétit!
And why, you ask? Well, apparently it’s getting a bit tricky to get your hands on those pesky execution drugs. Pharmaceutical companies have this weird thing about not wanting their products used to, you know… kill people. Go figure.
So, Florida lawmakers said, “You know what’s not in short supply? Bullets.” Enter the firing squad! Because if it was good enough for the Wild West and dystopian sci-fi movies, it’s good enough for modern-day Florida! And if that doesn’t work, we can always smother them in nitrogen gas — because nothing says “humane justice” like playing suffocation roulette with a science experiment.
Supporters say this keeps executions “constitutional.” Right. Because when I think of constitutional rights, I think of a blindfold and last cigarette. Senator Jonathan Martin even said we need options to make sure we can follow through on the governor’s orders. Because heaven forbid we not have enough execution methods at the ready when the chemicals run dry. God forbid we delay death — that’s just inefficient governance!
This is awesome news 👏👏👏👏👏 I also enjoy knowing how it pains your leftist heart that a criminal must die just by the snark in your commentary!
Seems like our government is regressing to the Dark Ages ! What a darn shame. I hope that I live to see some Sanity in this world. Frank
Wait a minute! If you really want to go medieval on someone, Thou must needs employ the headsman’s axe.
It was good enough for Mary Queen of Scots, it shall suffice for a rogue knave who commits rape and murder.
Lefties losing it! 😂
It’s so delightful
Gotta put some fear in ’em. Crime is out of control.
Instead of Florida trying to come up with new ways to kill people why don’t they help the homeless, sick, elderly, disabled, people who have been denied insurance claims for hurricane damage get their houses fixed, feed the hungry, etc. etc. Such hateful Republicans in this state. Makes it very hard to live around all this hate. Show some decency. At least let people die by an injection out of public view but no this state will prysell tix do all the haters can cheer. God help our country!!!!
They should have thought twice before taking someone else’s life without remorse in such a vicious manner. Liberals think it’s ok to kill innocent people and not have it done to the COLD BLOODED MURDERS. No, they signed their own warrant years ago. Keep the executions coming!!
Might as well bring back hanging too while you’re at it ! Rope is inexpensive and reusable ! Might as well offer them the full course! 🤔🔥
Works for me.
Actually, WHY DOES IT MATTER?? If a criminal is guilty enough to be killed for their crime, (ESPECIALLY heinous crimes such as murdering innocent people, rape, or child trafficking), are you saying that dying by a firing squad is TOO INHUMANE???Are you KIDDING ME??? You know how I think they should die?? How about by having their body parts cut off with a really dull knife, one by one, with NO ANESTHESIA, until they eventually bleed to death! Maybe then, while they’re dying a SLOW, PAINFUL death, they’ll have time to contemplate and experience what their victims went through!!! A tooth for a tooth, baby!!!!
Exactly 💯
Now that you mention it, if you really want to cut someone to pieces, why not type and match the killer’s organs to people waiting on transplant lists?
People languish for months and even years on transplant list.
It’s a crime to put usable organs in the ground when they could save a number of lives.
Now, if Florida can only execute prisoners in a shorter period of time. Why take 20 years?
It’s about time these poor murderers and rapists get more options! Washington state has the option of firing squad, hanging, electrocution or lethal injection. At least last time I checked, which was a while ago. Regardless, I have zero sympathy or concern for those criminals. I do not care if they suffer or feel a little pain for a second or two. Personally I think the ones who torture their victims should receive the same courtesy they offered to their victims. Why the f#*k would I give an eff about their comfort?
What about the victims? The horrible ways they were killed .. they felt their death as they may have slowly died in pain or bled out on the streets. I have no pity on the killer. Justice should be served quick, not years away. Bring back hanging in the public square, that would act as a deterrent
Wait a minute! If you really want to go medieval on someone, Thou must needs employ the headsman’s axe.
It was good enough for Mary Queen of Scots, it shall suffice for a rogue knave who commits rape and murder.