Following this morning’s Groundhog Day festivities at Gobbler’s Knob, the Page County Sheriff’s Office has announced the apprehension of Punxsutawney Phil for his role in prolonging the current winter season.
As of early this morning, handlers confirmed that Phil observed his shadow, signaling six more weeks of winter weather. This prediction arrives on the heels of a treacherous snow and ice storm that has already blanketed the region, causing hazardous road conditions and school closures for one week.
“Given the dangerous conditions our community is currently navigating, it is unfortunate that Mr. Phil has seen fit to guarantee another month and a half of this cold,” said Sheriff Cubbage. “We are holding him for questioning regarding his meteorological forecasting, which we feel is not helping, the current public safety situation.”
Phil is currently being held in the Page County Jail without bond.
All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
Fine use of taxpayer resources …