Satire
In a surprise admission that has called long-held assumptions about local government corruption into question, a city commissioner confessed that he denied the recent motion for a controversial apartment complex because the developer never approach him with offers of kickbacks to gain his support.
The city commissioner further explained, “When I decided to run for office, I had done extensive research on Social Media. The vast majority of comments about the commission made it abundantly clear that, upon taking office, I would automatically ‘be in someone’s pocket’. Additionally, with the unparalleled power I wielded with my vote, it seemed certain that an elite and secret society of Lakeland’s rich and powerful would come knocking on my door with promises of cash and other favors.” After these much anticipated perks of his elected position failed to materialize, the commissioner shared that the overwhelming feelings of disillusionment and regret prompted his shocking admission.
A local activist and long-time critic of the city commission admitted that he had conflicting feelings about this wild turn of events. “On one hand, this supports my long-held belief that all politicians are corrupt. But, on the other hand, if there is no undue influence happening behind the scenes, maybe our locally elected officials are actually doing their best to make decisions that are in the city’s best interest.”